Struggling-

Struggling this week. I need a maid, an editing service, nanny service and a therapist-all free, of course. Is there anyone else feeling this way? Am I alone?

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy my life-I’ve worked hard to find joy in my every day life, but honestly, this week has been tough. I’ve learned to find the joy in the Lord in everything-good and well, the not so good. But, I’m human and I can’t pretend everything is all right when quite frankly, it isn’t.

I pray. I pray when I feel I’m losing my sanity. I pray for strength and guidance and joy and forgiveness. And, everything else in between.

I cry. I cry as I put yet another load of towels into the washing machine, knowing full well there were be another one needed in two days-this after doing ten loads of laundry, just days ago. I cry when loved ones disappoint me. I cry when I disappoint the Lord-I’m humbled by his greatness, and I cry when I let other people down. I cry for all of the horrible things happening around me in the states and overseas.

I laugh. I laugh at my own weakness. I laugh at little children when they learn about God-they are precious and terrors at the same time. I laugh at my fourteen year old as he voice changes octaves in one sentence. I laugh as I put my feet into another sticky spot on my kitchen linoleum, just mopped. Sometimes, I even laugh at adversity. I laugh at life.

I think negative. I think negative when I want more than I can have or willing to work for. I think negative when God won’t allow me to have things in my own timeframe. I am negative when the mailbox is empty of any solid writing opportunities or replies to my queries, and instead, bills stare at me. I am negative when I edit my novel, and it all seems so daunting and overwhelming. I feel small.

I think positive. I think positive when I see others praising God and teaching others to love the Lord, as I watched last night I helped preschoolers at our church bible school. I think positively when I remember the experience I have in overcoming obstacles and in overcoming frustrations, with the help of the Lord.

I am optimistic. I am optimistic when I feel the Lord beside me, walking with me, helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings. I am optimistic when I pray, and I feel God’s overwhelming love and unconditional love surrounding me even when I don’t feel it from others. I am optimistic when I look around, really look around and see all of the wonderful people in my life-flaws and all.

I am woman. Hear me roar-even if my roar is quiet this week. But, I am not silent. I am alive. I am healthy. I am thankful. I thank God for his many blessings.